Welcome to the club of women who, upon discovering an interest in BDSMmet or sought out a submissive male to start a kinky relationship with, and who are eager to learn how to dominate your man like a pro the opposite of Fifty Shades of Grey. Learning how to be a Dominatrix isn't just about doling out the pain and roll play. Learning how to dominate a male sub means adopting the right language, confidence, costume, and set of tools to provide the man who has given himself up to your control with everything he needs from you, his chosen partner. It's important to remember that even a Dominatrix needs consent, and actually, consent is a very important rule in the BDSM scene because you want to play the Dom but you also don't want to force your submissive into anything he doesn't feel comfortable doing.
Contained by the kink community, there are altogether types of dominant and submissive roles, each with their own layer of nuance. Think of gentle femdom at the same time as female domination without the elements of pain, harsh punishment, or humiliation. It can be sexual, only BDSM-based, before role-based. As Carol Queen , PhD, resident sexologist at Good Vibrations , says, gentle femdom is more infused with love and nurturing. The erotic component of gentle femdom can be pleasure-focused or it can just be about dominance without pain and amount that is often associated with non-gentle kink play.